Why is the gap so great between our hopes, our intentions, even our decisions-and what we are actually able to bring about? Even when we are able to make important changes-in our own lives or the groups we lead at work-why are the changes are so frequently short-lived and we are soon back to business as usual? What can we do to transform this troubling reality? In this intensely practical book, Harvard psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey take us on a carefully guided journey designed to help us answer these very questions. And not just generally, or in the abstract. They help each of us arrive at our own particular answers that can solve the puzzling gap between what we intend and what we are able to accomplish. How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work provides you with the tools to create a powerful new build-it-yourself mental technology.

Why is the gap so great between our hopes, our intentions, even ourdecisions-and what we are actually able to bring about? Even whenwe are able to make important changes-in our own lives or thegroups we lead at work-why are the changes are so frequentlyshort-lived and we are soon back to business as usual? What can wedo to transform this troubling reality?In this intensely practical book, Harvard psychologists RobertKegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey take us on a carefully guided journeydesigned to help us answer these very questions. And not justgenerally, or in the abstract. They help each of us arrive at ourown particular answers that can solve the puzzling gap between whatwe intend and what we are able to accomplish. How the Way WeTalk Can Change the Way We Work provides you with the tools tocreate a powerful new build-it-yourself mental technology.

Acknowledgments ixIntroduction: What Do You Really Want . . . and What Will You Doto Keep from Getting It? 1Part One: The Internal Languages: Building the New Machine111 From the Language of Complaint to the Language of Commitment132 From the Language of Blame to the Language of PersonalResponsibility 333 From the Language of New Year's Resolutions to theLanguage of Competing Commitments: Diagnosing the Immunity toChange 474 From the Language of Big Assumptions That Hold Us to theLanguage of Assumptions We Hold: Disturbing the Immunity to Change67Part Two: The Social Languages: Maintaining and Upgrading theMachine 895 From the Language of Prizes and Praising to the Language ofOngoing Regard 916 From the Language of Rules and Policies to the Language ofPublic Agreement 1037 From the Language of Constructive Criticism to the Language ofDeconstructive Criticism 121Part Three: Carrying on the Work 1478 Running the Internal Languages 1499 Running the Social Languages 187Epilogue: Toward the Transformation Highway: Transcending theLimits of the Information Age 229The Authors 235Index 237